Uh... all of it? [Ian laughs for them because what else can he do while feeling so overwhelmed by the madness?
The touch quiets his laughter though and his eyes shift away, thankfully maybe his sunglasses will hide that. He doesn't want to think about why he reacted that way.]
I just pulled you out of the hole.. uh... I wouldn't want to have to do it again if something dragged you back. [He was deflecting but honest. Honest to a point. Truth is he would have beat the frog until it broke or his cane did if necessary.]
I'm challenging. To be around. I'm sorry. [Sort of. He's not sorry for being what he is, not any more, but he is sorry it's so overwhelming to the people he loves best.]
Ian...you know I will do the same for you, don't you? [He doesn't force him to meet his gaze, but his hands linger on Ian's shoulders, and his voice is unusually quiet.]
I've spent a lot of my life feeling as though I had little or no one to stand with me. Whether that's been true or not every time I felt it, I couldn't say for certain, but regardless, it means everything to me to know you're here. Thank you.
There's no need to apologize. I should have expected I'd draw Chaos into my life with the field I was studying. I never expected it to be this literal. [That was a thought Ian had often and it lingered all the time. He wondered if his study and manipulations had brought this about, some wrench in the system of the universe that found humor in dropping actual chaos on him.]
You already have, remember the court room? [It hadn't been physical but it was standing up for someone in a very real and serious way. The change in the direction of the discussion has him sighing and finally looking at Loki again.]
I have enough ex-wives to understand that sentiment better than most. [He snorts a laugh.] Grant tells me I'm a reckless fool.. he's right more than he's wrong when someone gets past my charming personality.
[It was a little self deprecating but held a lot of truth to it.]
Perhaps...but I do worry I'm not always good for you. I don't know if someone less complicated and more...stable, would care for you better, or if that would just be like attempting to mix oil and water. That's probably a question only you can answer for yourself. I hope I'm merely overthinking.
It's never enough. [He rarely speaks this frankly, and there's something fierce behind his usually-chilly eyes.] I want to wrap you up and make everything that hurts go away, and obliterate anything that would threaten you, or Kelly, or Lex and Tim for that matter.
It's unfortunate that the world doesn't work that way. Divinity isn't good for quite as much as one would hope, in the end. You do at least as well as I do.
I don't want you to run yourself into disaster for my sake, don't mistake me. But your courage is beautiful, and so are you.
Honestly, .. uh... I don't know. Nothing has worked so far or I wouldn't have so many exes. [Part of the reasons Ian was willing to have a male romantic partner and give that a try was all the failed female partners. The idea of trying something completely different was an experiment that was working at least as well if not better.
Ian frowns though at the next comment.] Don't think that way. It's a bad place to put yourself...uh... when you think nothing you do is enough for anyone. Trust me, Kelly's mother trained me to believe that.
[Ian touched Loki's cheek but shook his head at the concept of taking everything away. No one could do that. Life had too many variables to even try. You just did the best you could.
Ian snorts and laugh and shrugs as he pulls his hand away.]
I've faced a Tyrannosaur. Your angry frog cant compare. [Of course Ian was down playing things. He was still nervous about what he felt. That worry would take a long time to dissipate after all the trial and disastrous relationships in his past.]
[Ian's love language, as far as Loki can tell, is cooking for someone, and simply spending time in their company. It's a subtler and more restrained expression of affection than some, but it suits the man's personality well. And evidently, the flip-side of that coin is Ian's tendency to lash out with mad recklessness if someone important to him--or someone innocent and vulnerable--is in peril.
And Loki is trying to be more effusive, more firm in his verbal expressions of warmth, because sometimes all you have of someone are the last words you heard them say to you. But making his lover uncomfortable is not what he's going for, either.]
Ian...Ástvinur, dear one...I'm not insulting myself, I'm only trying to tell you how much you mean to me, and that I want to look after you as you do for me. [He gives him a soft kiss on the cheek, then glances back at the hole the frog has vanished into.]
Perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere, though. I'd still be happy to buy you coffee and sweets.
I don't want you to feel like nothing is ever enough. I've lived that way and... it goes nowhere good. [Ian smiles despite himself at the kiss on the cheek.] I don't mind taking care of me.. uh.. you do that no matter what but don't think you're never doing enough.
[That was Ian's trauma speaking. He couldn't imagine causing Loki anything like the trauma his wives had caused him. His eyes track to the hole too and he nods before heading to the jeep.]
I've had enough fighting animated statues like I'm at Notre Dame.
[Loki starts to protest, but then something in his expression shifts and he looks pensive.] You know...I think I was raised that way. Perhaps you're right.
[That's the trouble with being sincere, isn't it? You often say more, or something different, than you intended to.] If so, that's not your doing, though. You're good to me.
[He follows him toward the jeep, sliding into the passenger's seat easily, but the commentary about statues makes him snort and break into an impish grin.] Wait, are you telling me that's what humans do at Christian churches?? Here I thought modern worship services were boring! Now I want to go to one and watches the priests wrestle with the statuary!
[It's also a problem with two very damaged people being involved. When the affection of one was the trauma causing agent of the other. However, Ian has become used to them finding proverbial landmines in each other's psyches by this point. He does pull a smile from Ian.]
I've always been good to my partners no matter what you've heard from my ex wives. [It's meant to be a joke but after he's said if Ian isn't so sure humor was where his mind was at.]
You need more Disney in your life. [Ian starts to smile and then snorts a few laughs.] I think there's one here at the church that .. uh.. I think would turn on a lot of the world's so called priests.
[True, but there is also something reassuring about knowing they were both raised poorly, if in different ways. Maybe they're better equipped to understand one another's scars than most, even in spite of being different species with wildly different lifespans.]
Ian, I don't believe anything negative about you unless it comes from your own lips, and even then I'm skeptical. If one of your ex-wives had badmouthed you to my face, you'd know about it because she would have been hexed for it. [That also sounds like it's meant to be a joke, but it probably isn't.]
I'm still catching up with Disney. [He looks amused.] I haven't actually been in that church. I did not think I would be especially welcome. Should I visit?
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branchandroot
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Date: 2020-12-14 07:31 pm (UTC)The touch quiets his laughter though and his eyes shift away, thankfully maybe his sunglasses will hide that. He doesn't want to think about why he reacted that way.]
I just pulled you out of the hole.. uh... I wouldn't want to have to do it again if something dragged you back. [He was deflecting but honest. Honest to a point. Truth is he would have beat the frog until it broke or his cane did if necessary.]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 02:31 am (UTC)Ian...you know I will do the same for you, don't you? [He doesn't force him to meet his gaze, but his hands linger on Ian's shoulders, and his voice is unusually quiet.]
I've spent a lot of my life feeling as though I had little or no one to stand with me. Whether that's been true or not every time I felt it, I couldn't say for certain, but regardless, it means everything to me to know you're here. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 02:47 am (UTC)You already have, remember the court room? [It hadn't been physical but it was standing up for someone in a very real and serious way. The change in the direction of the discussion has him sighing and finally looking at Loki again.]
I have enough ex-wives to understand that sentiment better than most. [He snorts a laugh.] Grant tells me I'm a reckless fool.. he's right more than he's wrong when someone gets past my charming personality.
[It was a little self deprecating but held a lot of truth to it.]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 08:54 pm (UTC)It's never enough. [He rarely speaks this frankly, and there's something fierce behind his usually-chilly eyes.] I want to wrap you up and make everything that hurts go away, and obliterate anything that would threaten you, or Kelly, or Lex and Tim for that matter.
It's unfortunate that the world doesn't work that way. Divinity isn't good for quite as much as one would hope, in the end. You do at least as well as I do.
I don't want you to run yourself into disaster for my sake, don't mistake me. But your courage is beautiful, and so are you.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 11:26 pm (UTC)Ian frowns though at the next comment.] Don't think that way. It's a bad place to put yourself...uh... when you think nothing you do is enough for anyone. Trust me, Kelly's mother trained me to believe that.
[Ian touched Loki's cheek but shook his head at the concept of taking everything away. No one could do that. Life had too many variables to even try. You just did the best you could.
Ian snorts and laugh and shrugs as he pulls his hand away.]
I've faced a Tyrannosaur. Your angry frog cant compare. [Of course Ian was down playing things. He was still nervous about what he felt. That worry would take a long time to dissipate after all the trial and disastrous relationships in his past.]
It might be foolish but you're family now.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 07:38 pm (UTC)And Loki is trying to be more effusive, more firm in his verbal expressions of warmth, because sometimes all you have of someone are the last words you heard them say to you. But making his lover uncomfortable is not what he's going for, either.]
Ian...Ástvinur, dear one...I'm not insulting myself, I'm only trying to tell you how much you mean to me, and that I want to look after you as you do for me. [He gives him a soft kiss on the cheek, then glances back at the hole the frog has vanished into.]
Perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere, though. I'd still be happy to buy you coffee and sweets.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 12:43 am (UTC)[That was Ian's trauma speaking. He couldn't imagine causing Loki anything like the trauma his wives had caused him. His eyes track to the hole too and he nods before heading to the jeep.]
I've had enough fighting animated statues like I'm at Notre Dame.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 03:03 am (UTC)[That's the trouble with being sincere, isn't it? You often say more, or something different, than you intended to.] If so, that's not your doing, though. You're good to me.
[He follows him toward the jeep, sliding into the passenger's seat easily, but the commentary about statues makes him snort and break into an impish grin.] Wait, are you telling me that's what humans do at Christian churches?? Here I thought modern worship services were boring! Now I want to go to one and watches the priests wrestle with the statuary!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-20 04:16 am (UTC)I've always been good to my partners no matter what you've heard from my ex wives. [It's meant to be a joke but after he's said if Ian isn't so sure humor was where his mind was at.]
You need more Disney in your life. [Ian starts to smile and then snorts a few laughs.] I think there's one here at the church that .. uh.. I think would turn on a lot of the world's so called priests.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-26 06:53 pm (UTC)Ian, I don't believe anything negative about you unless it comes from your own lips, and even then I'm skeptical. If one of your ex-wives had badmouthed you to my face, you'd know about it because she would have been hexed for it. [That also sounds like it's meant to be a joke, but it probably isn't.]
I'm still catching up with Disney. [He looks amused.] I haven't actually been in that church. I did not think I would be especially welcome. Should I visit?